28 October, 2012

What should never be, but already is

Never meant to be read, random thoughts in my head, thoughts of you and me, thoughts of where I'd like to be.
Concerts, songs, sing a longs, random dribble!
Feelings behind a damn, they burst and they ran like flood waters over me washing me away.
Random thoughts, strong feelings,  crying into the night, love hurts, and you don't even know,you have  no idea you hurt me so.. Because you just don't know, I will not tell you ,I will not speak,  you do not need to know I am so weak.
You do not need to feel the guilt, for you are not guilty, I let my heart run wild.  You did not encourage me, nor dissuade, you told the truth, as I bade.
And still I  sang, like the bird and made that confession, I know you heard.
Confused, my heart already bruised, I opened up to you, and welcomed anew.
Random thoughts, dreams and cares. Unique and shining, from  my thoughts you do not pass.
I said it once and it was true, you know that I love you, in all this time this feeling has not passed, it seems very much to last.  From my mind I can not chase, nor from my heart you erase.
Random thoughts, always of you, images and feelings so honest and true, I want to tell you again I love you,  but do I dare? I think you know, in fact I bet you do, I more than care.. I am in love with you.
Never meant to be read the random thoughts from my head, not so random feelings, left unsaid.

More Drival

Sleepless nights, I make no sense, helpless feelings, my mind reeling,            thoughts of you too distracting! Fear dominating, polite and placating.
 Haunted memories rich and vivid,  scars from pasts are still livid.  Shattered lives, scattered dreams, all too much, or so it seems.  New dealings, possible new feelings, connections made.
Images of you flash through my head, my body reacts,I close my eyes , I feel the heat of your embrace, body burning where your  fingers traced, that beautiful look upon your face , I am haunted, and I am longing,body aching, my heart breaking.
Fingers flying, eyes crying, soul seeking, for that connection that is there,  it is not gone,  nor forgotten, shake the past that binds you, so of  my love I can remind you.

Double Time

Random titles for random thoughts.
Random feelings, all out of sorts.
Thoughts of him and thoughts of me
thoughts of the way it might be.
Wanderings and wonderings of life good and bad,
Talking about the lives we once had, sharing our pasts,
Each moment together is a lesson learned, growing together,
This is what I yearn.
My heart for you does burn.


A tear stained face, a heavy sigh, did you mean to make cry?
Why do I fret so, I bring this pain upon myself, should I have kept my heart on the shelf?
Truth be told, I was not looking for what I found, and life is better when you're around.
Corny, crazy, emotional me, what ever you want is what I'll be.


Randomness Without a Name

Out of sight
Out of Mind
Out of bed, but not mine
Out of reason
Out of Rhyme
Out to lunch and out of time!

Too Much Time to Think..

Corny Rhymes, silly poems,
pour out my soul, expose my heart
When did you gain control,
When did I give it all away?
My thoughts humming
My emotions thrumming
Thoughts of you  floating free.
Missing you and missing me

Words Women Use

Saw this on line and had to re post.. It made me laugh, hope you laugh too.

1. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right, and you need to shut up!

2. FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means half an hour. Don't be mad about this, it is the same 5 minutes you use when it's your turn to do something around the house.

3. NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine (see #1).

4. GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. DON'T DO IT!!

5. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word but a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing.(refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. THAT'S OKAY; This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay"means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. WHATEVER: Is a woman's way of saying"%@&* you!"

9. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking"WHAT'S WRONG"- ( for a womans response refer to #3.)

Things don't change Much

The insanity of it all.. I don't know when the good turned bad or indifferent, and the possibilities seemed lost.. but it seems that way for now..
The things we pray for are strange indeed, and sometimes you don't get what you want but what you need.  I NEED what I am praying for, but I also want it.. I mean who wouldn't want job security, to be healthy, happy and safe, to have their children be successful in life with their health and happiness as well
Simple  things really..

And sometimes it seems that living out your dreams or trying too,  just isn't as easy at it seems (believe me I have tried and it worked for a while, as I got the chance to live and work in my adopted homeland England,) but sadly it shattered along with so many other dreams.

Now I try to pick up the pieces of my fractured life to have new hopes and dreams, and find them slipping from my grasp as if my palms were greased.. And  though I continue to have hope, and I pray every day I wonder if the "mute" button is on.   Maybe it's time for this calm to go back in her shell..


 Things always have a way of turning out the way I expect... but then, I never expect much....(I read that In a Ziggy a few years back)
I understand what that means.. however, I guess when  you expect nothing, that's what you get.. and I have had enough nothing in my life to last a life time..
I want that something.. I don't expect it.. but I would like it..
So what now to give hope to the hopeless, are my prayers on mute again, a miracle happened before surely it can again... Right??


By Anonymous 
Current mood:understimulated

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
19. Experience is what you get, when you don't get what you want!

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

20 October, 2012

Reality Bites but Dreams are Weirder

I have such bizarre dreams, I often wonder what goes in my head!

Once I dreamed I was getting ready to leave work when my chair arms grabbed me and pulled me down they would not let me leave(I worked at a hospital then as a registration clerk)  I was forced to register patients for days before I was allowed to leave.. When  woke up I was informed that I was actually asking questions and "typing" in my sleep.

I have had dreams where I have still lived in my old house, but was living somewhere else, I was a child but knew everything that I know now, and in the dream KNEW I wasn't really a child.

When I was a kid I used to dream about a man who beckoned to me from across  a large body of water, he was always a shadow, but he was never a threat,  he represented a certain thrill and a promise of "adventure" and other exciting things.I always felt safe when I dreamed of him. I truly believe  I met that man, the man of my dreams from across the water...

 I have dreamed of friends and coworkers dancing and singing with Big Bird because they were the entertainment on a cruise ship. I've had a "video game" dream where  my best friend had to make it to his  way through a maze and to his desk without getting stopped and avoiding obstacles  if he ran out of energy another co-worker would come and energize him  and if he ran into an obstacle he could call for help would block or take of what ever it was for a short time (and that person was me)so he could complete his journey was very vivid, and what was really odd it was in 8 bit, complete with sounds.

My latest dream was very odd indeed, first I was dreaming of my first pet, a calico cat named Shadow, she was playing with another cat, a sort of tan cat with brown paws called Smokey.. (I never had a cat nor knew a cat named Smokey)

Then the dream got very odd indeed, I was sort like a well an assistant/right hand person for a cult leader. I was a member of the cult as well, All the members referred to the leader as of all things ZUUL all the members wore these nondescript robes where you couldn't tell if the person was male or female, fat or thin.and the hoods masked the faces. All the uniforms where black with an odd design on it, All that is but the leader He wore a bright almost glowing yellow robe (similar in style and with the same logo/design.) All that as strange as it may be, was not what I found so bizarre because to me it strange, even though I was  close with the "Leader" of this bizarre cult I had to call him master..  And the odd thing was when I finally got to see who this master was , I was blown away by the fact it was my best friend.. I woke up and was like WTF??

So I ask again what is going on in my head!!

18 October, 2012


I remember you and the way you made me feel,
Your blue eyes, and crooked smile made my heart skip a beat.
Your voice, music to my ears, my name whispered on your lips
enticing, inviting and invigorating

I remember you, and how you intoxicated my soul ,
my last thought as I drifted to sleep, my first thought in the morning.
Your wicked humor and brilliant mind, never changing, always the same 
always adventurous, never tame.

I remember  that relaxed excited feeling, you sent shivers down my spine,
the look in your eyes as I sat at your feet, entranced , and yours completely,
Do with me what you will, masterful and in charge.

No expectations, long and deep conversations, souls, hearts and hands entwined I was yours, you were mine, I remember you.

Memories sometimes so vivid, I can hear your voice, feel your breath on my neck, your lips brushing mine, crushing with a hunger that only I could fill.. I wonder if you hunger still.


16 October, 2012


I have been thinking, which for me is a dangerous thing to do, as my mind wanders to the past, which I have been thinking far too much about, and have often been accused of being stuck in(a fact I will not dispute, and sadly must agree) I digress as usual, so here's my debate/dilemma/quandary..


With Christmas fast approaching, and money tight as usual, I find myself debating what little gadget or gizmo  would be the perfect gift for well MOI... 

I don't really want an iPhone, or Android phone or well a phone at all as I have a phone, sure it's a half wit with predictive text, photo messaging and GASP it makes and receives phone calls (who would have guessed a mobile could that), and here so many people think it's for  videos, and movies..oh well my phone also doubles for an MP3 player and it does have a camera, but that's about as smart as it gets.  

Back to the quandary...

Tablet, Kindle Fire(4G), Digital SLR Camera....   All are similarly priced, all would be great, but what would be the ultimate ??

I have a laptop, which is state of the art, it's top of the line (at least 2 years go it was) 
I don't want another PC just yet, as even though the Toshiba is 2 years old, it is still a fairly decent machine, it's been on several vacations with me, and sadly has a few battle scars, but it still works great (far better than my Dell Desk top did after a year..(NEVER let Dell Tech support help you, they only cock things up)
I wanted a Kindle Fire last year, but I didn't get it, I waited.. I wanted to see if a better one would come on the market, and lo and behold it did, the new Kindle Fire 4G, colour  and 4G and I already have an Amazon membership so free movies on a 7 inch screen...(Yeah??)

Next on the list is a Tablet, but what tablet??  I would love an iPad, as I am a long time Apple fan, before I was forced into using DOS(did I just give away my age? Does anyone remember DOS??)Windows PCs   I swore by  my Quadra..  There is the Nexus, the Element (which looks kinda neat as it's water proof)
I am confused on which to get, but I know that if I go for a the Kindle 4G at it's new price, might as well go for a full blown tablet.. but which one?

And lastly  a digital SLR camera, the brand I favour is a Canon, or perhaps the a Nikon, or Olympus. I love photography, it's a hobby of mine, everything I do, everywhere I go, I have some sort of photo.
 I am not sure which would be the best  for my needs. I love going to the airport and photographing planes.. (plane spotting as it were)  a camera with a good zoom lens (one that I wouldn't have to spend a fortune on the camera then the lens..) The lenses for some of these cameras YOUCH!! I currently have a Canon digital Camera and it takes AWSOME pics, but it's not an SLR and it's zoom is limited. I don't really want another Digital Video camera but if the SLR I do end up getting has a video function, so be it.

I've got some time think and drool over the latest and greatest,  I know I will be drooling and dreaming for a while, and the end result will most likely be some other gadget more affordable, like a pocket calculator, or maybe a plushy TARDIS with lights and sound... I maybe geeky, but I like the cute things too..

If I make a Pros & Cons list.. the biggest CON(no pun intended) would be the prices of the latest and greatest technology..  

The real problem that technology is evolution on steroids, and advances are made each and every day, so today's latest and greatest is tomorrow's antiquated and outdated table weight ( how long ago was it that everyone wanted an iPhone 4s and now there is an iPhone5??)

Was there really a point to this?  Nope just ramblings of a geek gal...

02 October, 2012

Nothing Ever Goes Away

Just a little tip, NEVER post anything on the internet you will regret, blogs, pictures videos, all have an amazingly never dying nor disappearing(100%)